Never Give Up…

The Boston Symphony Orchestra has been Suzanne Nelsen’s musical home for 25 years.  In this candid post, she talks about her early years in the Montreal Symphony Orchestra and how her determination turned disappointment into a life long drive to succeed.

I grew up on a pig farm in Alberta, Canada,

My parents were former opera singers so between CBC Radio or one of the many records in their collection we had music playing all day.  Like my older sister Lisa and later my younger brother Jeff, at 13 I was offered a choice of an instrument.  I wanted to be like Lisa, so I asked her if I could play the flute too.  She said no.  I am forever grateful. I liked a boy in the school band that played the trumpet.  I thought if I played trumpet, I could sit next to him…  So I visited the University of Alberta’s Music Department and asked the trumpet professor if I could study with him.

He told me that I looked like a bassoon player.

Still in high school, I went to summer music camp in Camrose, Alberta where I spent some of my most formative, inspirational and educational weeks!  I met colleagues I would follow into my professional life. Over the next 10 years we would go on to play in the Edmonton Youth Orchestra, attend university together, and eventually the National Youth Orchestra of Canada in the summer. We would also see each other at various auditions and stay in touch via snail mail!

Maestro Charles Dutoit and his Montreal Symphony came to Edmonton with an unforgettable Mahler’s First Symphony. It was a transformational moment for me and I decided then and there to go to where I could hear a world class orchestra every week.  I put all my eggs in one basket and auditioned for McGill University. Much to my glee, I got in!  

I decided to ask my teacher Bruce Bower, then Contrabassoonist of the Montreal Symphony, if he thought I had what it takes to be a bassoon player.  I remember walking to my lesson the week after my failure just trembling. What would he say?  What did he REALLY think of my competency?  Was I an imposter?  It’s a very hard question for a teacher, but after a moment he replied, “You’re a very talented player Suzanne, but your talent has just run out”. I thought to myself  “F*** you, I’ll show you!!  I’ll show ALL of you!!”

I started arriving in the practise room by 7:30AM. I worked, I practiced, I listened.  And I made reeds like it mattered! That fall there was a concerto competition, the  winner playing with the McGill Symphony as soloist.  I chose the Weber – Andante e Hungarian Rondo and to my joy, I won!  My parents flew out to see me play.  I even got to buy a new dress for it.  I guess practicing 5 hours a day does make a difference – without that you really can’t aspire to the higher ranks.  It all felt like a “I’ll show you” moment!   There would be more of these in my future.

At school, I surrounded myself with equally ambitious students.  We worked and played hard.  All of them are now in orchestras in Canada, Europe, America, and some are soloists…you name it.  I can’t say it enough that you need to make your own luck.  You need to live, work, practise, play with people who lift you up.  People to share new listening with, to motivate and encourage each other.

I was the first runner up in the Thunder Bay audition but was accepted into the Conservatory in The Hague for the next school year.  Once in Holland, I studied with the Joep Terwey, the Associate Principal Bassoonist of the Concertgebouw, well known for his work with the Netherlands Wind Ensemble.  As I had to take an hour train from The Hague to Amsterdam each week I scheduled my lessons with his orchestra’s concerts. I would stay there all day, have dinner with Joep and his wife and then he would sneak me into the concerts of Het Concertgebouw Orkest.  WHAT A THRILL!!

I spent three wonderful years in Holland but was always drawn back to Canada.  After my degree was complete, I entered the Masters program back in Montreal, studying with Whitney Crockett.  That year I had the honour of playing extra with the Montreal Symphony. I will NEVER forget playing third bassoon on Ein Heldenleben with the OSM [which we all pronounced “Awesome”].  It almost felt that in that one week I learned about as much as I had over mine 9 years in school.  The little things…balance, timing, vibrato, pitch, sound, collegial behaviour..these are all on the table when you are a sub.

I took the long plan at McGill and graduated with “High Distinction” after 5 years.  I couldn’t afford US music schools so I decided to follow my big sister Lisa to Holland, but that required money that I just didn’t have.  At the time, I had a job with a group called “Arts Québec” and in lieu of payment, they entered my name in a prize draw.  I totally forgot about this until 2 weeks later when I got a call informing me that I had won the prize – an all-expense-paid trip to Florida for a week over spring break!  In fact, that sounded absolutely horrible to me, so I asked to ‘cash-in’ the prize for pay for other two other flights. The first was a trip to my very first professional audition – for the 2nd bassoon position in Thunder Bay – and the second a flight to The Hague to audition for the Royal Conservatory.

Fast forward….I had been playing 2nd bassoon with the Montreal Symphony for a year and was up for tenure review, a critical moment in one’s orchestral career.  Those of your colleagues who were on your audition panel must vote whether to grant you permanent status.  After this review it was decided to extend my tenure by 6 months.  I took this pretty hard because it meant that the panel wasn’t entirely happy with my playing.  My immediate loss of self-confidence began a long and deeply introspective evaluation about what I needed to do.  Although I always tried to be the best 2nd bassoonist they could hope for, it was clear some people were still not happy.  This agony continued when my probationary status was extended yet again for an additional 6 months.  Another blow to my confidence. The final tenure review was on a Japan tour and I was told at the end of the tour that I would not receive tenure.

I was devastated.  I considered quitting bassoon all together. Surely I could do something else?  But really, I TOTALLY couldn’t!

So, the national audition for second bassoon was advertised. I thought “F**K YOU! I’ll show you.”  I didn’t tell anyone, except my closest friends, that I was going to do the re-audition.   I needed to prove to myself and others that this was my job.  I practiced before rehearsals, after rehearsals, after concerts.  I went to Toronto and to Ottawa to play for people in secret.  I committed to that audition and expected to win.  I could do that job.   Some of my colleagues wondered why I had appeared at the hall on audition day – and why I wanted to see who got my job.  When the curtains were lowered and they found out that the person they liked best was the person who had been doing the job for the past 2 years, I was awarded the position again with tenure!  It had been the worst thing I had ever gone through, but it was THE thing that built me up. I realized I could do whatever I wanted! Within a couple of years I auditioned and won my current position in the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

Suzanne with BSO colleagues, Carnegie Hall 2024

If you think there is more you could do, well, then you should be doing more.  If it’s possible to work harder, then work harder.  Have courage and believe that you can do it!

Suzanne Nelsen is in her third decade as second bassoonist with the Boston Symphony Orchestra.  She is a board member of The Council of Canadian Bassoonists.